The first baby sitter I ever hired I snagged while she was trick or treating. On Halloween night I opened the door and a gaggle of lamely costumed teens mumbled, “Trick or treat”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “You are waaaay to old for this. Who babysits?”

One girl who looked like she had a brain in her head raised her hand. I chucked a candy bar at her and asked her to return the next day for an ‘interview’.

When she showed up she played with two year old Prince Tim (Yes, I waited until my first Prince was two before finding a sitter and I’ll tell ya, my mind was about to snap. With my last Prince I wasn’t as uptight. I left him with a sitter before his umbilical cord dropped off.) Anyway, she plays with the kiddo, he shows her his play room and toys. Then she and I adjourn to the kitchen so I can grill her on her babysitting experience.

After a bit the only sound I hear from the playroom is silence. “Excuse me a moment,” I say during my last calm minute of the morning.

I peeked down the hall and see the front door wide open. I bolt outside and see Prince Tim sprinting down the block, intent on getting as far away as possible. Two years of hanging around with me 24/7, remember? Who could blame him?

Now I don’t need to look for a potential babysitter on Halloween night. But for some reason every year all the Reese’s peanut butter cups have been tampered with and are therefore unsafe for my children to consume.

Munch, munch, delicious.

Here are some Halloween boy stories for you.

From Queen Theresa of Lincoln, Nebraska-

I was at Target with my 3 princes and my husband. When we walked by a display of Halloween thongs Chris, age 8, blurted out, “Wow Dad, Mom would look really hot in those!” Several customers were quite amused by his outburst but also by my husband’s face turning 10 shades of red!!!

And from Queen Paige of Singapore-

While trick or treating I was dawdling along with my two year old Prince Mason while his 4 year old brother moved at a faster pace across the street with my husband. I stopped to chat with some friends. Caught up in the Mommy gossip, I wasn't completely watching my littlest one and didn't notice he was eating all the candy out of his plastic pumpkin. He then starts choking. My husband runs across the street, scoops up Prince Mason and puts the little guy face to face with him. The choking child promptly vomited all consumed candy -foil, wrappers and all- onto my husband. The moral of the story: Always aim a choking child AWAY from your face. This year my husband says he's staying home to hand out candy."

Have a great Halloween!

Reign On!

Queen Linda

I admit it...

... I used Goof Off to get the days old band aid residue off my son's elbow

Wanna Volunteer?

Fellow Queens!

Let’s talk about volunteering for your kid’s school.

I remember when my oldest was little that there were three women who ran the school. Really, they ruled over all things volunteer. They were amazing, a force to be reckoned with as they offered up their services for everything from coordinating the carnival to convincing parents to prepare dishes for the teacher appreciation breakfast. One year I signed up for that one and proudly presented my cheesy, sausage casserole creation only to be met by blank stares. Yep, I had brought a meat dish on a Friday during Lent. Catholic, remember? Where’s a hungry Baptist when you need one?

After a few years I said to one dynamo, “You know, if you keep up this pace you are going to be in a padded cell, sucking your thumb, screaming, “Don’t forget to sign up for a slot at the sports concession stand.” She laughed and said that she would be volunteering until her kids graduate. I hope she meant from high school.

I think that anyone who chairs the carnival or auction does it as part of a plea bargain. They should be excused from any other volunteering that may be needed. Maybe they need a 12 step program to just say no next time.

After forgetting, I mean unavoidably missing due to severe vomiting, work conflicts, the water heater exploding,the sun getting in my eyes, (yeah, that’s it!) I have decided to be a stealth volunteer due to my overwhelming guilt. Again, Catholic.

I keep an eye on when envelope stuffing, alphabetizing library books and T shirt sorting will happen and then I just show up. Linda to the rescue. I feel like Wonder Woman. “Thank God you’re here! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Cutting laminate is my favorite, it reminds me of therapy in the day room.

I never do cafeteria, If a snotty nosed kid asked me to heat up his Hot Pocket I would truly go over the edge.

However they don’t let me let me bring my own book for special guest reading time. I evidently push my feminist/pacifist agenda of onto the children. I did however sneak in The Paper Bag Princess

where the princess decides that the prince is a ‘bum’ and doesn’t have to marry him after he spews some patriarchal drivel to her. This is after she saves him from a dragon. What a moron.

I also read Rolan Dahl’s The Magic Finger

to impress upon their malleable minds that if hunters are going to shoot ducks then the ducks should have AKA assault rifles to even the playing field.

And just think, my kids will be done with high school in 2019.

Reign On!

Queen Linda

Our Wild Things

I love Lisa Belkin's Motherlode blog.

Here is a discussion on letting our boys be boys!

I’m Going On Strike

Really.

I have decided that the Queen is tending to too many things in the castle and I am overwhelmed. When that happens I just spin and try to prioritize but I usually end up in the fetal position sucking my thumb. The Princes are old enough and are not pulling their weight for Team Ford. So I had a serious meeting with them at the dinner table last night.

“Guys, I need a little help here. Prince Christopher -If you leave a room, bring your empty juice boxes and bowls of chips to the kitchen. Prince Tim -If you wash your football pants every night then I know you know how to use washing machine. Busted. Gather up the laundry baskets, sort and wash a load. When you take things out of the dryer, put what is in the washer in the dryer. If you can’t be responsible enough to help with the laundry then you aren’t responsible for something as big as driving a big metal box around town. Prince Matthew -If you see tracks of dirt, waffle crusts and a dead cockroach on the kitchen floor, sweep it up. And while we are at it ask Prince Tim how the whole laundry thing works.

If you do not improve I will go on strike. I will sleep in every morning and you can get yourselves to school. I will not do laundry, I will not cook meals and I will not drive you anywhere. And you will not like it. The Queen has spoken!”

Prince Matthew took my tirade to heart. This morning, on his own, he put a load of their towels that had started to mold in the washer. Amazed, I ventured over to watch this monumental event. Unbelievably he then pivited to get the clothes out of the dryer. I figured I would be pushing my luck if he actually folded them but hey, I’ll take what I can get. As he opened the dryer door an empty blue ink pen clattered to the floor.

He looked at me with hugh eyes and prepared for me to go ballistic. What are you going to do? I just cracked up and we laughed until tears were rolling down our faces.

I won’t go into the state of the ill fated clothing. You have all starred in that movie.

At least I know they had listened the night before and had taken my rant to heart. It is worth a pair of jeans (or two, or three) to have them pitch in for Team Ford.

Reign On!
Queen Linda

Zombies have invaded the castle.

Maybe its the commercials for the Zombieland movie (which I saw by the way, two thumbs up!), the recent zombie vs. vampire article in the Dallas Morning News

or simply the fact that Halloween is coming up. But around here every day is ruled by the undead.

Yesterday I was showing Prince Christopher a Bugs Bunny cartoon on my computer.

After all it is my responsibility as a parent to educate my sons in the way of all things Bugs. They learn about about opera, cross dressing and are amazed that I know all of the lines.

After the cartoon, the website led us back to the home page where a new game awaited. Attack of the Tweety Zombies!

How could I resist. We clicked in.

It is the best game ever. Sylvester is in a graveyard and a zombie Tweey bird arises from the grave saying, “Sylvester!’ and “Brains!” Not in that high pitched speech impaired voice, but a creepy zombie growl. You are Sylvester and you have to jump on Tweety’s head to get rid of him. If Tweety gets you, no worries, you have nine lives.

I am playing it more then they are. Which actually isn’t hard since they can’t turn on the computer or TV until the weekends.

At dinner last night, all three boys, had a serious discussion on where we would go and hide if the zombies showed up. The attic was their best guess since supposedly zombies can’t climb. But after perusing Max Brooks’ book The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead

I learned that “No place is safe, only safer.”

I think I’ll tell the boys. Oh, wait, that may move up their need for therapy a few years.

Reign On!

Queen Linda

I just went through the house...

... actually saying, "Where is the scotch tape. I saw it yesterday. I know it isn't where it is supposed to be."

and just in case you missed this party idea...

From Queen Lisa of PA

Our favorite party (for my twin boys) was a trip to hike at a local nature preserve (pack snacks and a first aid kit) followed by burgers and dogs on the grill, then camping in tents in the backyard overnight. It had all the fun of camping, but with the benefit of indoor plumbing. Breakfast was easy---very large platters of pancakes and gallons of milk.
Party favors? Flashlights, of course!

Birthday Party Rec from Queen Laurie

"My youngest Prince was hooked on ChuckECheese for years ... until he discovered Dave & Busters.

Much nicer for the adults - full bar!"

Oh yea! I'm checking that out today!

Speaking of Bad Breath

On the fridge there is this list of things the boys have to every morning. Like brush their teeth, oh the horror.

Why can't they pull their heads out and do it? Not like the list hasn't been there for 10 YEARS!

I am wondering...

how a boy's breath can smell so bad in the morning! Ackk, ackk, cough, cough!

"With Our Busy Schedules, What Are Your 3 Valid Tips for Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash?”

Samsung contest o' the week. And who doesn't want a free refrigerator? ok, I would rather have a trip to Aruba but....

So, 3 tips for getting dinner ready speedy quick.

#1 Crockpot + meat + envelope of onion soup mix + can of cream of mushroom soup = dinner

#2 When you do have to break down and cook, make a double batch and freeze the rest.

#3 Keep plenty of lunch meat in the fridge for sandwiches, whip up some mac and cheese -Viola! dinner in 10 minutes

I think 'any drive-thru' would be #4 but I won't go there

Queen Misty and Queen Kathryn Report in on Birthday Parties!

My 7-year-old is so obsessed with G.I. Joe (the classic, not the new movie) that we had a "boot camp" birthday party. My husband made an obstacle course, complete with climbing wall, balance beam, tire run, rope swing and crawl-under. I made the birthday cake, a tank complete with sparkler coming out of the gun (a cereal straw). I'm pretty sure Prince Daniel will never forget that birthday! Queen Misty While I don't have a favorite party, I do have a favorite gift. I am the reigning queen of five princes and we have all the associated pets to go along. Connor, my now 14 year old prince, threatened to move out if we got any more animals. So guess when queen cat had her kittens - on Prince Connor's 14th birthday. I couldn't wait to wake him up and tell him I got him kittens for his birthday! Oh the joy. He didn't see the humor in it - imagine that. Reign on! Queen Kathryn

I Just Had To Tell The 7 year old

You can not bring your army gun to school.

I mean, really?

Jeez

I am the most incredibly remedial Queen. I've been trying to connect to Twitter and figure out that thing. Could you possibly try to connect with me so I know I've done it right? I would appreciate it ever so. Thanks

"Chuck E. Cheese isn't evil, Mommy."

This was a comment I must have made before. As we passed the pizza joint my then-5-year-old Prince Christopher parroted it back to me. I would rather poke my eyes out than go there. I think I would rather slice a jalapeno pepper and put that in my eyes before I poke my eyes out.

Oh wait, did I say that out loud?

For one thing I never have understood the appeal of Chuck E. Cheese. It is beyond me how some parents think that a six foot tall rat charging toward their freaked out toddler to give them a hug is a good thing. I have seen many a child scarred for life after that encounter. A birthday to remember for sure.

If that experience doesn’t stay with the kiddos, the smell of the ball pit will.

Back then Mr. Man was workin' it. He starting to wield the greatest power a kindergartener can - the dreaded "Oh yeah, then I'm not going to invite you to my birthday party!" I'm sure you all have been there. He can pull that on his brothers but not the Queen. All it takes is a "Oh yeah, well I'm not going to invite you to go Trick-or-Treating with me. So there!" from me and he dissolves into the sweetie boy I'm more familiar with. He comes over, pats my hand and says, "Okay Mommy. You can come to my birthday party." I'll save the date.

Now he is older and wiser. The hype for the anniversary of his birth starts around mid-June. Did I mention his birthday is October 18? He lobbies for party themes (which change rapidly), what the contents of the goody bags will be and who he wants to invite. Finally I had to lay down the law. “My birthday (Aug 25) comes before yours (not Aug 25). May I (born on Aug 25) make the suggestion that you (again, not born on Aug 25) plan for that day (Aug 25) instead?” What can I say? They are boys, I have to get important things across literally and subliminally.

We come to an agreement. No party talk until October 1. Well guess what month it is now. He actually was having a countdown to the first and now negotiations are in full swing.

The plans have not been finalized but the opening round went something like this-

“How about a bounce house with the basketball hoop inside?” he suggests.

“No, you will all collide and break your heads.”

“Miniature golf?” he ventured.

“No, I’m not giving you pseudo-clubs.”

“Batting cages?”

“Again, the club thing. Think on it some more.”

I’m going to back down until we agree to partying in the backyard with family and friends playing pin the tail on the donkey after eating home made cake.

Remember those parties? Let me know about your favorite one, yours or your kid's.